Just 12 weeks ’til summer.
Perfect time to start thinking about your plan “swimsuit readiness” plan.
I’ll be real, the following tips aren’t likely to help you with any of that.
BUT…I found this in the archives and it made me chuckle.
Should be worth at least a smile to you.
Enjoy!
-Conor
***
I used to write a lot of lists.
‘6 tips for x…’
‘4 ways to do y…’
It was the format for several of my most popular emails.
Problem is I’m easily bored. Lists are overdone.
Anyway, the notion of anti-tips jolted my cerebral cortex into bringing forth what follows.
Here’s how it doth work: do the exact opposite of what I recommend here, and you’ll b-line it straight for a lean summer body with a coke and a smile. Minus the coke.
I think you get the idea.
Let’s begin…
1. Eat as much of it as you want as long as it’s healthy. Healthy food is high in nutrients when compared with fast-food, for example. Ever noticed how you can railroad empty calories at a mighty clip? That’s because they don’t contain any real nutrition, so you’re body barely registers any satiety.
Non-processed, organic, high-fiber foods are so nutrient-dense that your body thrives on much lower intake levels. This mirrors how sparse food was when we evolved the ability to derive energy from plants and animal flesh.
But if some is good, more is better…right?
Besides, the plump lady behind the lunch counter says I can eat as much quinoa salad as I want because it’s healthy – so it MUST be true.
2. Try a RE-tox diet. You want to enjoy the fine weather and the fresh air. The last thing you need is a bunch of washroom breaks slowing you down. Keep your water consumption to a minimum, and avoid anything high in fiber. Also, you might like the binding properties of copious amounts of cheese.
Keep that colon on lockdown until the fall.
3. Use a pro-inflammatory approach. One thing you’d really hate is if your joint pain lessened to the point of inspiring you to be more active. Really cuts into your investment of sunbathing time. Just remember the four food groups: pizza, ice cream, beer, and cigarettes. In fact, eat as much sugar as possible – raw, off a spoon, if need be.
The average Canadian eats 68 kilos of sugar per year.
Ask yourself, are you getting behind?
4. Avoid heavy weights. God forbid you should build any muscle that might turn your metabolism into a blast-furnace for burning calories. Then you’d lose your excuse for all that healthy food in #1. Plus everyone knows that heaps of long, slow walking is how you lose weight.
5. Sleep less, and ‘freak out’ more. Stress is good for you. Ever heard of ‘fight or flight’? Burns fat. Burns muscle too, and runs your organs on overdrive, but heck, nobody’s perfect. To really accentuate the effect, fly into a rage at every opportunity (I mean really lose your s**t) and load your system with as much caffeine as possible.
Sleep only when desperate.
Healthy sleeping patterns of seven or more hours per night render #’s 1, 3, and 4 less effective.
Now if your brain hurts from twisting my hints to figure out what I really mean, you’re either taking #5 literally, or you’ll benefit from the un-reversed truths in my 16-Week Transformation Program.
Call (416) 826-4844 to request your complimentary personal training consultation, and discover the path to your best body – in all seasons.
Happy Freaking Out,
Conor Kelly