Could this be the most overlooked success skill?

I’ve been ruminating on the Arnold Schwarzenegger clip I shared earlier this week.

(I link to it below.)

All the books, audios, and courses I’ve ingested have more or less turned my brain into a search bar for self-help content.  Re: Arnie’s comment on it being ok to fail, the software of my memory turned up this little ditty…

I recall someone saying that the most remarkable thing about Fred Smith, the founder of FedEx, was his ability to laugh at failure.

Whenever one of their initiatives flopped, and many did, he’d get a wry smile on his face, shake his head and go “wow that really didn’t work.”

Then, he’d simply say “what next?”

If I was to rewind to when I started Evolution Fitness and catalog for you all the things we tried, it would fill a few journals (and indeed it does – I kept all my notes from that period).  Looking back, most of them didn’t work.  A few did.

It’s why we even had a business at all.

During my brief stint in stand-up comedy, I wrote pages full of set ups and punchlines.  I quickly realized about 10% of it was funny.  The catch is the only way to know which 10% to keep is to stand in front of people and let 90% of your stuff bomb.  Do that ten times and you wind up with five minutes of material that will do reasonably well with most audiences.

Call it accelerated failing.

The interesting thing is, in either case it never occurred to me those failures could be reasons to stop.  I just figured that was the process.  Sounds like Fred Smith had the same idea.

In fact, I’ll go you one further…

The more I fail, the smarter I get.

Besides, if that’s your approach, and every attempt results in either a win or a lesson…

Do we ever truly fail?

Here’s that video again:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNpEFf0I60M

Happy Failing,

Conor Kelly

P.S. Go here:

=>How I Get My Clients 3x-10x Their Email Marketing Results.

When it’s good to binge

Here’s a success tip from the off the beaten path…

You know how most of us binge on TV shows or movie series?

(Thank you Netflix.)

Well, I also binge on authors.

That’s right.

When I find someone who’s either (a) doing something I’d want to be doing, or (b) onto something I think is unique and valuable, I’ll crawl under barbed-wire to get my hands on every nanobyte of content they’ve ever published.

I want to know EVERYTHING he or she knows.

So I read all their books.

Often two of three times.

I plug in and download their experiences, research, and anecdotes into my greedy little memory cells.

Here’s what it’s done for me: it’s made me both deep and broad in my knowledge.

This helps me make informed decisions about my life.

(Sometimes.)

And clients are often surprised by the range of topics I know about.

Trust me that’s a good thing.

It instantly raises your value in their eyes.

That’s why, regardless of what you do for work, I suggest you give Conor’s hearty wisdom binge a go.  I’ve never read about this concept anywhere, nor heard it mentioned in the context of personal development or success, but this little battle tactic has won me a few victories in my day.

With the above in mind, I’d invite you to binge on ME for the next 30 days.

That’s why I created my 30 Day Transformation email series.

It’s one tip a day of the best my brain has to offer.  Read each one in the comfort and privacy of your inbox.  Also, I’m including a very rare bonus chapter I wrote on the #1 Key To Transformation.

Last call for Conor-hol here:

http://www.conorkellypersonaltrainer.com

Happy Bingeing,

Conor Kelly

The real reason too much sitting is bad for you

Amy Cuddy does a great TED talk on the power of body language.

Put aside twenty minutes and watch it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc&t=109s

One of her more interesting points is that two minutes of what she calls “power posing” increases your testosterone.

Alright, why does that matter?

Because in modern life our movement patterns are typically flexion-dominant, i.e. hands closed, head forward and down, arms and legs in front of the body.  Think of the fetal position as an extreme version of this.

It’s a defensive/submissive posture.

Most of us sit in a car on our way to a job…where we sit at a desk all day before sitting in a car again, only to wind up, you guessed it…sitting on the couch.  And for much of this roundtrip we’re bent forward at the waist, hands clutching our smart phone crack.

Like we’re re-living our glory months in the womb.

Extension, on the other hand, opens you up…

Arms away, head up, standing tall.

Picture the sprinter who launches into a victory pose as he crosses the finish line first.

It’s an aggressive/dominant posture.

The real problem with doing flexion most of the day is it bars you to some extent from the positive emotions you’d otherwise experience.  It’s harder to tap into the testosterone and serotonin fueled highs of confidence and well-being.

You’re also perceived as low-status by your peers.

That’s why I put my trainees into extension as much as possible during their sessions, to compensate.  And I’ll let you in on a little secret: it’s also a big reason why they ALWAYS feel better when they leave.

My point is your ancestors hunted, fought naked, and birthed babies without painkillers (perhaps the most badass of the three)…

You were born to DOMINATE.

It’s carved into your DNA.

Your physiology, almost above anything else, gives you access to it.

(Let that one sink in.)

Watch the video.

And if you’re keen to dominate your day with path and purpose, then you’ll love my 30 Day Transformation series.  It’s one success secret a day, gleaned from six years of my most popular emails.

To get The Conz in a daily IV drip and leave the umbilical cord at home, go here:

http://www.conorkellypersonaltrainer.com

Until next time…

Move well my friend,

Conor Kelly

A little known Harvey Specter success secret

I’ve recently taken to watching old episodes of Suits.

Why?

Two words: Harvey Specter.

If you haven’t seen the show, it’s set in the high stakes world of corporate law with its big dollar deals, cut-throat maneuvers, and boardroom-sized egos.

Harvey Specter is the hot-shot “closer” with a reputation for winning.

He may be fictional, but a fine study of success traits doth Mr. Specter make.

Unapologetic in his ambition, Harvey is an incurable action-taker.  He expects to win, but doesn’t get wound up when things (temporarily) don’t go his way.  He’s got a rock solid belief in his own abilities, and regularly bets LARGE on himself.

In one episode, he makes senior partner in the firm.

There’s a board meeting to announce his promotion.

In front of the board, Jessica, the firm’s boss, pranks Harvey by making him think the equity buy-in for senior partners (a cool half a mil) is payable right away.

Harvey goes white and says: “I have to pay the whole amount now??”

Turns out he’s just playing along.

Always the smooth operator, he later hands Jessica a cheque.

She goes: “You’ve had the money since you knew about the promotion?”

“I’ve had it since I first set my eye on becoming partner,” he replies with a smirk.

You go, Harv.

That’s called being all in, my friend.

As soon as you know you want something, act NOW as though it will happen and plan accordingly.

When’s the last time you bet on yourself like that?

The fitness equivalent might be committing to four to six months of a personal training program by paying in full on the first day.

Many clients have justified their investment to me in these terms.  Most find it hard to back out once all their chips are the table.

Now here’s the not-so-dirty little secret…

You don’t need Harvey’s confidence in order to do this.

In fact, I guarantee if you’ll ignore your doubts, and simply let yourself be willing to make that bet, your confidence will climb about ten notches, right then and there.

Author Jerry Sternin once said: “it’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than it is to think your way into a new way of acting.”

(That’s worth re-reading.)

So borrow a page from the great Harvey Specter’s script.

Take massive action.

Bet on yourself.

Keep moving forward.

Just don’t be surprised when this works.

If you liked this, you’re gonna love my 30 Day Transformation email series.

It’s one tip a day (featuring some of my most popular emails from the last six years) to help you be the best possible version of yourself.  It also includes a rare digital copy of my book chapter on The #1 Key To Transformation.

And it’s yours with my compliments.

You can subscribe here:

http://www.conorkellypersonaltrainer.com

I’m excited.

It’s gym time, then taking Olivia to the hairdresser.

Happy Betting,

Conor Kelly

 

The MYTH of Hard Work – Motivational Video

Bill Burr has a great bit about antagonizing his girlfriend while she watches Oprah.

Oprah introduces her guest as doing “the hardest job in the world”…being a mother.  Bill says, really?  Being a mother is the hardest job?  Then he goes on to compare it with coal mining or “roofing in July as a red head.”

He says any job you can do in your pajamas can’t be that hard.

Of course, his goal is to get a laugh.  I’m a parent, and I’m not saying it’s not a hard job (and also clearly harder for the mother).  But I think whole thing is a funny caricature of the glorification of hard work in our culture.  We tend to want to make things seem harder than they are.  We wear it like a badge of honor.

I find business people particularly guilty of this.  It’s about how early you get up, or how many hours you work.

The real question is, what’s it all doing for you?  A lot of people who work very hard are going in circles.  There’s a big difference between being busy and being PRODUCTIVE.  The danger in always working harder is it tends becomes hard work for its own sake.  It’s like we’re staying busy just to feel like we’re doing something.

The concept of hard work as it’s commonly understood ignores an important fact: that the people who are working the “hardest”, at the highest echelons of success, are doing it because it has inherent rewards for them.  If it didn’t, they wouldn’t be doing it.  Something innate drives them.  This doesn’t mean that they never do anything they don’t want to do, but for the most part, they’re compelled to do what they do.

What we really want is not hard work, it’s INSPIRED work.  That’s when our efforts are guided by higher principles.

This is more the terrain of THINKING and PLANNING.

When your work becomes a grind, there’s resistance in it.  But you’ve gotta feel good to be at your best.

Think of an airplane trying to take off.  As it accelerates, you’re aware of the motion of the plane.  The friction created with the wheels on the runway results in a lot of shaking and noise.  But when you’re in the air, you’re moving a lot faster than you ever could on the ground and you don’t feel as much.

Real momentum is like that.

You’re at your most productive when it doesn’t feel like work.

One reason we can get addicted to being BUSY is that we mistake this feeling for traction, like the plane trying to leave the runway.  But when you can achieve without trying so hard, when it feels natural to progress, you unleash your potential.  There’s less friction, less resistance.  You move unobstructed.

And your innate goal-seeking abilities have a chance to work for you.

Happy Producing,

Conor Kelly

conorkelly.com

I tell jokes, therefore I am

One of my goals this year is to do a lot more keynotes.

So to *ease* myself into it, I signed up for a stand-up comedy class.

In my comedy set, I do a bit – yes I have *bits* now – about how I have a philosophy degree, hence the title of my post today.

(Don’t worry…I have funny material too.)

Anyway, I took the class for two reasons: (1) to challenge myself with something new (it’s out of my comfort zone), and (2) I thought it might help me continue to refine my speaking skills.

So far I’ve eaten my fair share of humble pie.

I’ve got a pretty good sense of humour.  However, being funny on demand is a different beast.  I’ve learned that about 80% of the game is being willing to make a joke and NOT hear laughter.  That’s how you find out what works; by throwing a bunch of stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks – or at least slides down slowly, leaving gooey skid marks.

There are certain patterns to it, but you can never know 100% what will make an audience laugh.  When they do laugh, you put a check-mark next to that one, and move on.

Top comedians have done a joke dozens of times before it ever airs on their Netflix special.

At the beginner level, everyone trembles when it’s their turn to take the stage.  Not one of us feels secure.  As I watch this unfold each week, I think “isn’t this amazing?  All of us out here, taking RISKS…”

This might be my inner masochist talking, but doing stand-up is a great way to experience failure in strident, painful, and repetitive ways, until you become immune to it.  It’s like a vaccine.  You take in small but concentrated doses of the stuff, and, in response, your immune system releases antibodies that immediately go to work on fear.

(I make it sound VERY appealing, I’m sure.)

There’s no evolution in sameness.

There’s only decay, deterioration, and RUST.  What’s true of all living things is that if we’re not growing, we’re dying.  Uncertainty and insecurity are passes to a virtual Disneyland of personal development.

AND…your opinion on what you can’t do isn’t usually based on facts.

With a bit of coaching, every single person in my stand-up class got funnier.

So risk.  Start today.  It doesn’t have to be stand-up, but put your name in the bucket to learn something new.

Be like the guy who was asked if he can play the piano:

“I don’t know,” he said.

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I’ve never tried.”

Happy Risking,

Conor Kelly
conorkelly.com