The advent of this little thing known as the internet has expanded our cultural lexicon in many charming ways.

For instance, why suffer archaic processes such as *searching* or *commenting* when one can simply *google* or *tweet*?

And asking for instructions on how to install kitchen cabinets?

So 1987.

Youtube it.

But now, the www has produced a particularly insidious type of illegitimate offspring…

The cybersquatter.

As Taylor Swift knows, a squatter’s life is hard.

Just ask her former guitar teacher, Ronnie Cremer.  He’s the miscreant who registered the domain ITaughtTaylorSwift.com, which (swiftly?) prompted a cease and desist letter from Ms. Swift’s legal team.  The letter alleged that the use of her name implied her endorsement of the site, and that it’s “highly likely to dilute, and to tarnish, the famous Taylor Swift trademark.”

Well, this only served to whip internet trolls into a buying frenzy of illicit Taylor Swift domains – leading her management to scoop up TaylorSwift.porn, TaylorSwift.adult and a bunch of others, ostensibly to stave off the barbarian hordes bearing down on the gates of her empire.

You go, T-Swift.

Way to out-squat the squatters.

I mean, what does it say about our society when we discriminate against the young, rich, and beautiful like this?

All joking aside, I admire Taylor Swift.

That’s why I’ve decided to rebrand one of my own most tested and proven bum-shaping moves, the dumbbell sumo squat, as the T-Swift Cybersquat.

And it possesses just the right je ne sais quoi, required in the formation of an exquisite derriere.

Full description and video at TaylorSwift.booty.

(Just kidding, Tay Tay.  Call off the Rottweiler’s.)

Here’s how you perform it to excellence in accentuating the bedonkadonk of thy backside…

*Stand with feet more than shoulder width apart, toes pointed out slightly

*Hold a dumbbell between your legs

*Squat down under control, with low back tightly arched, being conscious of pushing the hips back in a sitting motion

*If you find it a bit tricky, try stretching your hips/hamstrings, and start with a few sets of kickbacks to get the tushy humming before you tackle the TSC

Gluteus to the maximus, I say.

Anyway, use my special squat, but you must NEVER speak it aloud, lest with your words you tarnish its great name.

Happy Booty-Shaping,

Conor Kelly
(416) 826-4844

P.S. Reshape your entire body: reply to this email or call me at (416) 826-4844 to request your complimentary personal training consultation today.