Naked baby doll’s gastronomic adventure

At the time of the great Northeast blackout in ’03, I was renting a basement apartment from a Russian family in Richmond Hill.

They were sweet, red-cheeked little dumplings with much love for The Conz.

Even had a pet name for me…Pupsik, a Russian toy shaped like a naked baby.  Don’t ask.

Many stores were closed due to the power outage, so they insisted I come upstairs for a bite.   The family’s Babushka brought forth a large crystal plate.  From what I could tell, it contained a gelatin substance with random floating chunks of mystery meat (which I later discovered is traditionally pig’s feet, cow’s feet, or chicken feet).

[Akwardly] Ah ha ha!  Yummy…

Being the Canadian paragon of consideration that I was, I powered through.  I took spoon to splotch, and went at it like a champ.  And with my eyes watering from suppressing the gag reflex, I politely asked for more bread, hoping to relieve some of the violent siege on my senses.

During this gustatory power struggle, I noticed the oldest son downing the meat-flavored jell-o like it was chocolate cake.

“What the…?  Is he enjoying this??”  I thought, as I nodded, forced a smile with high eyebrows, and flashed a thumbs up.

That experience drove home for me how varied taste can be.

Same basic DNA shared between us…but our amigos in other cultures will gladly shovel into their mouths forkfuls of fat which we’d normally discard AND vaporize with dish cleaners powerful enough to thin paint.

The reason it’s hard to change how you eat is the same reason we CAN do it…

Your palate is highly adaptable.

So much so that it tends to over-adapt, and leaves you craving things you shouldn’t.

The key to success is to do DIFFERENT long enough for it to take hold.  This only takes discipline when coming off the start line.  Your taste buds will gradually catch up.

Take salt for instance.  You CAN get used to not adding salt to your food.  It feels like something’s missing at first, but after a while, you’ll start to appreciate other flavors more.  Quit sugar, and you might think the world’s ending.  Even then, your cravings eventually subside.

You think the Naked Baby Doll eats merely for function?

Y’all must be trippin’.

I enjoy clean meals.

The problem is making one form of eating *exciting* and the other *boring*, when in reality they’re just different, and you can adapt to either.

Acknowledging you can learn to like so-called healthy foods is a BIG first step.

When you’re ready to make the switch (to eating healthy, not choking down animal parts in lard soufflé) it helps to have someone walk you through it, to avoid common pitfalls. Call (416) 826-4844 to request your personal training consultation, and find out how I can help.

And if you’re ever confronted with intestinal Russian roulette like I was, remember: loads of bread and water, minimal chewing, and SMILE…you can do this!

Happy Clean Eating,

Conor Kelly

P.S. Here are a few other terms for *the special* that day…

Hoof hummus
Holodeath (the dish is called Holodets in Russian)
Meat marmalade
Foot flawn
Mousse au animal foot fetish

What’s your favorite?  Leave a comment…

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